Lenten Message From the Conventual Prior
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FORGIVENESS AND
RECONCILIATION
Scott Peck, author of the bestselling
book “The Road Less Travelled,” opens
his inspirational work with the following line: “Life is difficult.” Indeed,
life is difficult because we are beset with many problems and crises that we
find difficult to handle. Most of them are the hurts we experience in
relationships. We are hurt and wounded for a number of reasons: disappointment,
rejection, betrayal, humiliation, or abuse. For whatever reason, our hurts
cause us deep pain in our lives that negatively affect our normal way of living
and relating to others. For some, the deep emotional wounds cause unhappiness
in their lives.
In order to remedy an already unhappy
situation, a number of people cope with their hurts in varied ways. For
instance, when one is hurt, an instant solution is to hurt back. Vengeance
seems to be an easy way out to appease one’s feelings. But the sad reality is
that one enters an even vicious cycle of hurting and wounding. Others resort to
withdrawing from relationships. But the disparity in relationship widens to
become an irreconcilable difference. There are those who just sulk and indulge
in too much self-pity, always feeling victimized by their enemies. They end up
feeling losers, alienated, and depressed. Finally, a number of those who are
hurt harbour grudges.
What is the real remedy to our deep
pains born out of broken human relationships? What is the only effective
solution to our hurts? It is forgiveness leading to reconciliation. Jesus teaches: “Everyone
who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his
brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, `You fool!’ shall be
liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and
there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift
there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then
come and offer your gift” (Mt. 5:22-24).
Forgiveness
of another is essential. It can never be withheld. But forgiveness is actually
not even enough. The ultimate goal must be reconciliation, which goes much
further. In the Gospel, Jesus exhorts us to “settle” with our opponents (Mt.
5:25), therein implying reconciliation. Working to foster a “friendship” with the
one, who has accused you, especially if it is a false accusation, goes far
beyond simply forgiving them.
To reconcile with another and to re-establish a true friendship means that we not only forgive but also we do all we can to ensure that we re-establish a relationship of love with that person. We have a typical example of forgiveness and reconciliation in chapter 33 of the Book of Genesis which speaks about the reconciliation between Esau and Jacob. Jacob escapes from his father-in-law Laban and comes to Canaan, his father Isaac’s land. He knows that he had cheated his brother Esau and took away his rights. He was afraid that his brother would kill him on meeting him. So he devised many plans to please his brother to escape from his anger. Esau sincerely forgave Jacob.
After experiencing Esau’s forgiveness, Jacob says to Esau: “Truly to see your face is like seeing the face of God.” To see the face of one who forgives is like seeing the face of God. How many times, God has given us the opportunity to show His face to those who live in our communities and families by forgiving them their offences towards us! Let us look into ourselves and see how many times we have failed to let others see God’s face through our forgiveness.
I wish you all a fruitful Lenten season!
Conventual Prior